I remember being in fourth grade when our teacher asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up, and without hesitation, I answered, “I want to be a mom.” (I also wanted to be a whale trainer, but thankfully we grew out of that one 🫠.)
Becoming a mother has been one of the deepest desires in my heart since I was a little girl. I was a very lonely child, always begging for a sibling, and I grew up in a complicated family dynamic. Because of that, I always dreamed of creating my own family one day. At the same time, the thought of motherhood sometimes felt daunting too.
Will I be a good mother?
How will the scars of my childhood affect me in this new role?
How can I avoid repeating my parents’ mistakes?
If you’ve ever had those thoughts, let me tell you something: it’s completely normal. In fact, I think this is one of your very first acts as a mother — worrying about the safety, happiness, and wellbeing of your baby before they’re even here.
Motherhood is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but without a doubt, it’s also the most incredible. This journey is full of emotions, self-discovery, growing pains, and the kind of moments that permanently change your heart. I had a pretty smooth pregnancy, but the fourth trimester? Oh, it hit me like a truck full of emotions.
The good news is: it gets easier. Truly. You just have to give yourself grace and take it one day at a time.
If you’re expecting or thinking about having a baby, I want you to know: YOU GOT THIS. One thing motherhood has taught me is that women are capable of absolutely everything and more. Even when you think you have nothing left to give, somehow, you still do. We are magical beings bending the laws of what’s possible to create, grow, and nurture tiny humans. So if you’re thinking about joining the club, welcome. You’re going to love it here.
Be Mindful of the Content You Consume During Pregnancy
I only read one pregnancy book while I was pregnant: Expecting Better by Emily Oster, and honestly? I didn’t like it.
It was packed with statistics and controversial takes about what was “right” or “wrong” during pregnancy and delivery (like having a few drinks or not exercising at all during pregnancy… yikes). Instead of making me feel informed, it made me feel anxious and overwhelmed.
So I decided not to read any more baby books and instead trust my millennial instincts and hear things directly from the source itself: moms on social media.
Listen, I’m not saying I was looking for medical advice on TikTok. But hearing real women share their pregnancy experiences, labor stories, postpartum struggles, and newborn routines made me feel so much less alone. From the famous red raspberry leaf tea to “what’s in my hospital bag” videos and positive birth stories, social media gave me something that book couldn’t: hope and excitement.
I was also very intentional about skipping triggering or negative content. Not because I think nothing can go wrong or because I wanted to live in delusion, but because I didn’t want to fill my body and mind with unnecessary fear. I wanted to approach labor feeling empowered and confident in my body’s ability to bring my daughter into this world.
For the medical side of things, I trusted my doctors. For the emotional side of things, I protected my peace.
Breastfeeding and Thrush Live Rent-Free in My Nightmares
Before becoming a mom, I used to see those peaceful breastfeeding videos online, moms lovingly staring at their babies while soft music played in the background and think, “Aww, I can’t wait to breastfeed my baby.”
Let me lovingly break it to you: for many of us, it is not peaceful at first.
Breastfeeding has been the most difficult, painful, and overstimulating thing I’ve ever done. The first three months were absolutely diabolical. I cried during almost every feeding session and constantly told my husband, “I don’t know how much longer I can do this.”
(Disclaimer: I’m still breastfeeding with no plans to stop anytime soon, so clearly we survived 🙂.)
My daughter latched immediately after birth while we were still at the hospital. At that point, my milk hadn’t fully come in yet, so she was only getting colostrum. Even then, the pain was intense but little did I know that was just the beginning.
By day three postpartum, my boobs were rock hard, Pamela Anderson style, and my daughter wasn’t latching properly. She wasn’t emptying my milk completely, my nipples were swollen and cracked, and I was leaking milk 24/7.
A friend recommended a lactation consultant, and we immediately booked a home visit. That woman is both an angel and my personal sleep paralysis demon because she had to manually squeeze my boobs to release the milk and prevent mastitis. When I tell you it was painful, I mean PAINFUL. My C-section recovery felt like a spa vacation in comparison.
Even after that, breastfeeding remained difficult. My baby still struggled with her latch, my nipples were destroyed, and I was constantly soaked in breastmilk. Eventually, I developed thrush, which honestly deserves its own horror movie category.
There is no pain like thrush. It’s this sharp, stabbing pain that shoots from your boob into your armpit. And the worst part? It happens randomly, even when you’re not feeding. I would literally be walking around my house and suddenly stop in my tracks because it felt like someone electrocuted my boob.
I went to my family doctor, got medication, and after about a week, the thrush nightmare finally ended.
After that, breastfeeding slowly started getting easier as my daughter grew and we both became more comfortable. These days it’s less painful and more chaotic. My girl is now very aware of her surroundings, constantly distracted, loves slapping my chest, and enjoys pulling my hair while feeding like she’s trying to start a WWE match.
And yet, despite how hard breastfeeding has been, I feel incredibly grateful that my body has been able to nourish my daughter and help her grow into this happy, thriving little human.
Everything moves so quickly once you become a mom, and I know this phase won’t last forever. Soon enough she’ll be done with my boob entirely, especially now that we’re starting solids. So for now, I’m choosing to embrace this season, be her safe place, and enjoy this bond for as long as it lasts.
Your Postpartum Body Will Feel Foreign
I knew my body would change after giving birth, but I was not prepared for the mental disconnection I would feel from my body afterward.
My relationship with my boobs has completely changed. They feel like an old high school friend I used to know really well but barely recognize anymore. They don’t feel like mine. They’re my daughter’s comfort, food source, pacifier, and emotional support system. To me, they sometimes feel like a completely foreign body, a human fountain drink machine producing nature’s most nourishing soda: breastmilk.
And don’t even get me started on the postpartum belly.
For months, my stomach felt empty and disconnected from the rest of my body. Imagine trying to suck in your stomach and feeling absolutely no muscles there whatsoever. You can literally feel your organs slowly moving back into place week after week.
But the emptiness isn’t just physical, it’s emotional too. After delivery, your baby is finally in your arms, but somehow you still miss the feeling of carrying them inside you. You miss being physically connected, sharing the same space, the same nutrients, the same late-night conversations while they kicked around in your belly. Hormones are CRAZY.
The good news? This feeling passes too. Your body just accomplished something extraordinary and needs time to heal. Your mind also needs time to adjust to this entirely new version of yourself.
Now, six months postpartum, I genuinely feel amazing. I’d even say I feel stronger than ever.
One thing I’m especially proud of is that I never tracked my weight during pregnancy. I don’t know how much I gained, and I don’t know how much I’ve lost postpartum either. As someone who struggled with an eating disorder for over a decade, protecting my mental health during pregnancy was extremely important to me. I asked my doctors to keep track of everything without involving me, and honestly, it was one of the best decisions I made for both myself and my baby.
I ended up having a healthy pregnancy, delivery, and postpartum experience, and I’m so grateful for that.
Motherhood Will Show You How Powerful You Really Are
During pregnancy, I spiraled constantly thinking about whether I’d actually be able to handle motherhood.
People would ask me, “Don’t you have family coming to help you? It’s going to be brutal for just the two of you.” And every time someone said things like that, I’d go home and cry from anxiety, convinced I was completely unprepared.
But the moment my daughter arrived earthside, something inside me shifted instantly. It was like a switch flipped on.
I felt more alive than ever before.
I was ready. Present. Eager to learn. Eager to cry, laugh, grow, and figure things out one day at a time. Every emotion became heightened, but so did my strength.
Each day, I became more confident in myself and more comfortable in my role as a mom. Multitasking is now basically my personality trait. I truly cannot explain how many things I can accomplish during a 30-minute nap or how many bags I can carry from the house to the car in a single trip now.
Motherhood has made me feel invincible in ways I never expected. It showed me how capable I am of surviving on little sleep, solving problems under pressure, caring for another human being, and still finding pieces of myself along the way.
Being a mother has made me tougher and braver, but somehow also softer and more delicate at the same time.
Final Thoughts on the Fourth Trimester
Becoming a mother will unlock a version of yourself you never knew existed. It will give you strength, resilience, and purpose in ways nothing else can. It’s exhausting, emotional, beautiful, chaotic, healing, and life-changing all at once.
If you’re about to become a mom, you are stepping into the wildest and most incredible journey of your life, and I’m genuinely excited for you.
My biggest advice? Give yourself grace. You are doing better than you think. There is nobody who knows what’s best for your baby more than you do.
Treasure every moment with your little one because everyone is right when they say it goes by incredibly fast.
Lean on your loved ones and ask for help when you need it. Asking for help does not make you less of a mother.
And finally, don’t forget to nurture your relationship with yourself and your partner too. Those relationships are the foundation of who you are, and taking care of them will naturally reflect in the way you show up as a mom.
